If you are being bullied, there are some things you need to know…
First, you are not alone, there are so many amazing people who have shared experiences just like you. We have added some links to people who have shared their bully stories below. Secondly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are exactly how you should be. In most cases, the bully is acting out because there is something not quite right for them. They are in need of some help. Thirdly, do not go through this alone. Make sure you tell someone you trust. There are people who want to help you.
He is a survivor, a musician and and inspiration to many. Tyler tells his story on America's got talent. He has every reason in the world to be proud of himself. He is one example of an incredible talented human being who has a bully story. He overcame cancer, bullying and killed it on Americas got talent. Click on his picture to see his story.
Every child is capable of bullying. But why? There are 2 reasons: The popular ‘kid’ may use bullying to maintain power and popularity and when they experience a sense of denial they feel authorized to bully others. 'I have it rough, so you should too; and I've been picked on, so I'll get you before you get to me.' OR; It may be learned behaviour. Exposure through media, politics, TV shows, other kids at school and even family dynamics can take a toll on what a child sees as acceptable behaviour. That's why it is important that we deal with the situation with a calm manner and model positive conflict resolution.
Children who get away with aggression and violence are at very high risk of engaging in criminal activity as adults. This is why it is so important for us to all work together to also help the bullies. Not only are we saving, who knows how many children, from emotional torment but also the future of the aggressor.
First take a deep breath – your child has something going on and you need to find out how to help the situation. It is imperative to work on this issue at home. Make sure your child understands that bullying is a serious issue and that the behaviour is not OK and must stop.
Here are some things you should review:
- Explain to your child what bullying is.
- Talk with your child about what they are doing and why. Listen to the response and avoid blaming.
- Help your child understand how this behaviour affects others; ‘How do you think that made the other person feel?’ ‘Would you like someone to do that to you?’
- Are there reasons the bullying is happening? The answer may help determine if there is something you can change to stop it.
- Is your child bullying to feel more important or in control? Some children bully because they have low self-esteem.
- Is your child misunderstanding messages about standing up for herself? Sometimes positive comments about being aggressive or assertive can lead to bullying.
- Is your child learning bullying at home, on TV programs or YouTube videos? Sometimes children mimic behaviours.
- Monitor your child’s use of the Internet and mobile phone.
- Some children bully because it's happening to them. Look for signs that your child may be experiencing bullying themselves.
- Is your child joining in bullying to avoid being bullied? Talk to the school or club about their messaging around bullying.
- Work with the organization where the bullying is happening. Their policies will determine the consequences for your child.
- Supporting the school or organization’s decision, sends a strong message to your child that bullying behaviour is not OK.
- Find out what you can do from home to support the decision and then check in with the school or organization regularly.
Unimaginable stories are hitting the headlines daily with startling statistics about bullying. It commands our attention and a warranted level of concern for our youth. Both bullies and their victims are at a high risk for depression, eating and sleeping disorders, anxiety and suicide. It is a real life-threatening situation. We need to take every precaution to protect our children against the painful effects of bullying.
It is not likely that we will ever eliminate bullying all together. So what can we do to help them cope if they are bullied?
Firstly, we need to start by making sure they are not exposed to trauma in the home or on TV. Providing a safe environment can strongly effect their mental health and self esteem. This will effect their ability to cope adjust and recover from stressful situations.
Secondly, we need to give them a solid foundation and arm them with 'emotional resilience'. Accepting them for whoever they are, regardless of their differences or from how we expected them to be is important. Children consistently accepted for who they are, cope better with stress and adversity and will persevere when faced with bullying.